I was whiling away some time on our Twitter feed a few days ago when I came across a conversation between Annie’s Annuals and Fern from Life on the Balcony. Fern had written a “tulips vs poppies” post (referred to by Annie’s Annuals as a “smackdown”), and was wondering what other plants could square off with each other. One thing let to another, and then Gardenfix mentioned that it could be an Olympic event, and then… Well.
The Plantolympics, of course.
Commentator 1: “Welcome to the Plantolympics, folks, we’re in for a spectacular display of skill and foliage here.”
Commentator 2: “That’s right! Top plant athletes from all over the world have converged on this field to compete for a medal in sports like Curling for Vines, Best Display of Shade Foliage, and Leaf Dancing.”
C1: “Not to mention the Quadrathlon. This is a really tough event undertaken only by the sturdiest plants — in order to qualify they have to look good through all four seasons of the year!
C2: “Let’s go right to the Shade event now, where Hosta and Heuchera are neck and neck! Hosta was thought to have an advantage due to its ability to brighten dark spots with neon green foliage, but Heuchera have put on a tough fight with bright new cultivars, and Hosta still has to get through the Slug Resistance event. Hosta’s trainer has talked about Hosta’s struggles with slugs before — it’s still recovering from an injury at the last Plantolympics.”
C1: “Yes, slugs are bad news, and Heuchera might have an advantage there. But let’s move on to the Leaf Dancing event. Now, Quaking Aspen has won this event for the past 600,000 years, but this year there are some gorgeous Silver-Leaf Linden that are really pushing the boundaries of the sport of Leaf Dancing! It remains to be seen if Quaking Aspen will rise to the challenge and make this year its 600,001st win.”
C2: “Breaking news, folks! Poppies have won the Flower Quadrathlon! The crowd is going wild!”
C1: “Very exciting news for Poppies! Love-in-a-Mist gets the silver medal! They make a handsome pair standing there on the podium. An excellent combination!”
C2: “Well, that’s it for today’s events. Tune in tomorrow for the Most Pernicious Weed event! Kudzu and Garlic Mustard will go head-to-head!”
C1: “Mmmm, garlic mustard.”
C2: “Shhh! We’re still on the air!”














